How Do You Eat An Elephant?

 One Bite at a Time!

Do you know that feeling when it seems like you have a million things to do, but there are only so many hours in the day? You do a little here, a little there, but then you wind up sidetracked either by something that took way longer than expected, or (more likely) you got distracted by something on your phone, and went into a scroll-hole. 

As someone diagnosed with ADHD a long time ago, I can tell you this is part of my every day life. Sometimes I can pour over my computer writing for hours, but most of the time, I sort of flit from one thing to the next, becoming increasingly frustrated with myself that I can't get to everything on my list. 

Today, in my typical Life Sampler fashion, I am trying something new. Today I am doing everything in 30 minute increments. 

This is something I have never tried before, and you may be thinking that 30 minutes isn't enough to become productive at something. Who knows, in the future, I may wind up expanding it to 45 minutes or an hour. 

The point is that I identified a problem, which was my perceived inability to accomplish all my daily goals. I also know I can be my own worst enemy. For example, I HATE doing laundry. I despise it with a passion. I love fresh clothes, I don't really mind the sorting, but for some reason I completely lose it when it comes to getting things from the washer to the dryer, and for whatever reason folding and hanging clothes is the absolute BANE of my existence. There is nothing inherently bad about doing laundry, I just hate it with a passion that burns hotter than hellfire. 

   

The old adage that lends itself to the title of this blog is an analogy for accomplishing big tasks. Eating an elephant is no small task. How do you even start?! One bite at a time. The analogy always grossed me out, because I have a vivid imagination, but the lesson rings true: in order to accomplish goals, it is best to start with the first small step, and go from there. 

"Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the only thing he can't afford to lose." -- Thomas Edison

WonderMom: How does she do it?!

You know that mom who seems to have endless energy, boundless dedication to her children and their education, an amazing love life, AND hold down a job? I have known a few of them, and I will tell you they are more ragged behind the scenes than they appear, but they still pull it off. If you came to this blog wondering how they do it, I can only say I wish I had the answers for you. This is not that blog. 😅

I don't have bio-children, I haven't seen my stepkids since August 2020 (due to the Pandemic), I don't have to work a full time job, and I feel like I am Still. Always. Freakin. Tired. 

My 30 minute system is a way for me to see where I am dragging my feet, where I need more time, and it is designed to give me a sense of accomplishment. After all, four hours is eight 30 minute segments, and I know I can get a lot done in eight sections. 

Why Bother? 

If I can get so much done in eight 30 minute segments, why not just put my head down and grind out some work for 4 hours? It ties back to my ADHD. I had to find ways to overcome my learning hindrances in order to do well in school and hold a steady job. One phrase that I loved to use when I worked at Trader Joe's was "work smarter, not harder." 

This is a trial method to see if working in half-hour increments makes my day easier. Though I may not be wrangling 3 kids under 5 years old or rushing off to a corporate job, there is still plenty that I do in my day, especially since I am loving the idea of expanding the Life Sampler to YouTube (more to come on that). 

The following are some items I wanted to work into my daily schedule to become routine habit:

AM:

• Write for Life Sampler Blog
• Plan YouTube content
• DuoLingo (Spanish, French, German, Arabic) 
• Empty dishwasher
• Breakfast
• Dance Workout
• Art- acrylic, alcohol ink, or epoxy
• Singing Practice

PM:

• Read
• Walk Atlas (dog)
• Yoga
• Edit videos
• "Show Her Off" dance practice with Hubby
• Chores
• vacuum
• laundry
• clean floors
• bathrooms
• grocery shopping
• dishes in dishwasher
• handwash other dishes
• wipe down kitchen counters
• grind coffee, and set machine for AM

It is super easy to get sucked into the things I enjoy doing (DuoLingo, singing, dancing, writing) and super easy to get distracted away from the things I am not as fond of (laundry, editing videos, dishes) by engaging in things like scrolling social media, reading the news, or just fully giving up and going on a Netflix binge. 

These are just daily goals I want to get in the habit of, but because I have no formal schedule, there are also so many other things that sneak their way in your day. Showering/dressing/getting ready for the day isn't on that list either, so that is more time spent elsewhere. 

If I need to break from the to-do list, I will still set a 30 minute timer, and that will be a rest/goof-off time set. Those are important to work into the schedule too! Sometimes you just need a nudge to get you back to the task at hand.  

My 30 minute breakup of my day will hopefully allow me to get most of those dailies done, and some should take less than the 30 mins, leaving me with extra time here and there. I have broken the rule a little bit this first day to take two 30 minute sections to write and edit blog. 

My alarm is about to go off, and I suppose I will give myself 5 minutes to transfer in between tasks. I guess I will see if I can roll "getting ready" and "breakfast" into the same half hour segment, but if I don't, THAT IS STILL TOTALLY OK!

I am learning, I am trying new things, and I have to remember to be patient with myself. I won't berate myself for not following my rules, but I will try to stick to them to give the experiment a fair shot. 

Everyone is different, and this style will probably drive some people absolutely out of their minds, but there may be a few of you out there with an "AHA!" moment after reading this, who now feel that with a little 30 minute timer, you can work smarter, not harder...

 and eat the whole dang elephant!

Blind Spots

We all have blind spots and gaps in our knowledge. Ideally, you find a friend group and/or a partner who can help you fill those gaps in order to get a more complete and accurate version of the world. 

Life Sampling is about trying something you have never tried before to see if it ignites a passion or curiosity within you. Sampling Life allows you to connect with yourself and what you need, and refines how you want to interact with the world around you. 

Part of the theory of Racial Honesty that I follow sometimes entails holding a mirror up to someone so that they can see their blind spot. You are helping them see. To me, this should not be considered criticism, but rather a caring thing to do for someone out of love. 

You want to see the best versions of them, and you want them to see the best versions of themselves as well. You want them to act like they deserve the best, because you want to see them thrive. 

As someone who is deeply affected by criticisms and simultaneously detests hypocrisy, I try very hard to be self-reflective, so I can spot any previously unnoticed hypocrisies I may have committed. My sister once told me, "When you point a finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you. You tend to recognize things in others that you dislike in yourself." 

Or, as John from The Good Place would say, "If you spot it, ya got it!" 

Admitting you know nothing can be more powerful than trying to convince others you know everything. I admit that I am fallible, I am human, I make mistakes, and I try to own up to them. 

Sometimes, no matter how long or how fiercely you pour over the mirror, there are still some things that get missed, like trying to put sunscreen on your own back. 

Sometimes (many times), the strong, outspoken Alphas need someone to hold a different mirror up to them so they can see their blind spot. 

Apparently, that can be a scary thing. I have been told I am too intimidating to say some things to, no matter how much I beg for people to be honest with me. Radical Honesty is a two way street, and you can't expect to dish out the honesty without being open to taking it as well. 

If someone you know decides to have a Radical Honesty session with you, hopefully they have the tact, empathy, and vocabulary to give the feedback in a positive way, so that it is interpreted as it was meant to be received- with love, and born out of a sense of caring.

Often times, this is why I choose to communicate with people through writing. When I am passionate about something, I can get a little heated, and I don't think as clearly about what I want to say. When I take the time to sit down and write something to someone- especially if it is a form of feedback or Radical Honesty- it allows me the time to compose myself, make sure I am saying what I am trying to say clearly and concisely, and to edit. 

During hard conversations, my brain can start to race, become foggy, or just draw a blank. Writing down what I want to say allows me to take a beat to reflect on what I am wanting to communicate to the other person. It allows me to feel heard without interruption, so that I can get out everything I wanted to say without having to revisit the topic down the road. 

This can be a helpful exercise when dealing with anger or outburst issues. I have written many an email to my husband littered with profanity, accusations, and dramatic declarative sentences. Then- and this is truly the hard part- I DON'T HIT SEND. I take a breath, get a cup of coffee, maybe walk the dog to calm myself and process what I just wrote, along with the emotions attached to them. 

After the walk I will come back and reread what I wrote that I wanted so desperately at the time to yell at my husband. If I feel that the points I made were warranted (sans profanity and insults), I will make a bullet point list on paper, so that I have a reference list when we sit down to discuss the disagreement later. 

This is important for me, because my husband prefers to sweep disagreements under the rug, whereas I need some form of analysis and resolution to try to stop a cycle of the same (negative) behavior from forming. I talk out my letters with my therapist (EVERYONE should have access to, and use the services of a therapist, in my humble opinion). 

Blind spots can be something like how a significant other is treating you, and how that treatment is interpreted by the people who love you. It could be trying to tell a friend you feel that they talk over you too much, when it turns out they felt they had to speak without taking breaths because you typically dominate the conversation. 

People have meaningful conversations all the time about how to get their needs met, but we are hard-wired to think about our needs before other's needs. Sometimes it can completely escape us that what we are asking someone else to do or to stop is something we need to work on ourselves. 

I am here to tell you that not only is that OK, but it is a positive thing. I believe that you should love yourself fully and enthusiastically, wherever you are in your life journey. However, I also believe that everyone should strive to be the best versions of themselves. It is nearly impossible to become the best version of yourself alone in a bubble. 

You need interactions with other humans inside and outside of your cultural sphere to expand your horizons, open your heart to what is "different," and live with humility, love, and gratitude. Again, the whole point of the Life Sampler is to find what gives you purpose in life, along with a feeling of peace, well-being, and real happiness. 

Someone exposing one of your blind spots is not an insult to who you are as a human. Rather, it is simply a mirror to help you on your journey. That is why all cars have mirrors- to avoid preventable missteps on the journey by giving you a fuller view of what surrounds you.