Showing posts with label personal growth. Show all posts

How Do You Eat An Elephant?

One Bite at a Time!

Do you know that feeling when it seems like you have a million things to do, but there are only so many hours in the day? You do a little here, a little there, but then you wind up sidetracked either by something that took way longer than expected, or (more likely) you got distracted by something on your phone, and went into a scroll-hole.

As someone diagnosed with ADHD a long time ago, I can tell you this is part of my every day life. Sometimes I can pour over my computer writing for hours, but most of the time, I sort of flit from one thing to the next, becoming increasingly frustrated with myself that I can't get to everything on my list.

Today, in my typical Life Sampler fashion, I am trying something new. Today I am doing everything in 30 minute increments.

This is something I have never tried before, and you may be thinking that 30 minutes isn't enough to become productive at something. Who knows, in the future, I may wind up expanding it to 45 minutes or an hour.

The point is that I identified a problem, which was my perceived inability to accomplish all my daily goals. I also know I can be my own worst enemy. For example, I HATE doing laundry. I despise it with a passion. I love fresh clothes, I don't really mind the sorting, but for some reason I completely lose it when it comes to getting things from the washer to the dryer, and for whatever reason folding and hanging clothes is the absolute BANE of my existence. There is nothing inherently bad about doing laundry, I just hate it with a passion that burns hotter than hellfire.

The old adage that lends itself to the title of this blog is an analogy for accomplishing big tasks. Eating an elephant is no small task. How do you even start?! One bite at a time. The analogy always grossed me out, because I have a vivid imagination, but the lesson rings true: in order to accomplish goals, it is best to start with the first small step, and go from there.

"Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the only thing he can't afford to lose." -- Thomas Edison

WonderMom: How does she do it?!

You know that mom who seems to have endless energy, boundless dedication to her children and their education, an amazing love life, AND hold down a job? I have known a few of them, and I will tell you they are more ragged behind the scenes than they appear, but they still pull it off. If you came to this blog wondering how they do it, I can only say I wish I had the answers for you. This is not that blog. 😅

I don't have bio-children, I haven't seen my stepkids since August 2020 (due to the Pandemic), I don't have to work a full time job, and I feel like I am Still. Always. Freakin. Tired.

My 30 minute system is a way for me to see where I am dragging my feet, where I need more time, and it is designed to give me a sense of accomplishment. After all, four hours is eight 30 minute segments, and I know I can get a lot done in eight sections.

Why Bother?

If I can get so much done in eight 30 minute segments, why not just put my head down and grind out some work for 4 hours? It ties back to my ADHD. I had to find ways to overcome my learning hindrances in order to do well in school and hold a steady job. One phrase that I loved to use when I worked at Trader Joe's was "work smarter, not harder."

This is a trial method to see if working in half-hour increments makes my day easier. Though I may not be wrangling 3 kids under 5 years old or rushing off to a corporate job, there is still plenty that I do in my day, especially since I am loving the idea of expanding the Life Sampler to YouTube (more to come on that).

The following are some items I wanted to work into my daily schedule to become routine habit:

AM:

Write for Life Sampler Blog
Plan YouTube content
DuoLingo (Spanish, French, German, Arabic)
Empty dishwasher
Breakfast
Dance Workout
Art- acrylic, alcohol ink, or epoxy
Singing Practice

PM:

Read
Walk Atlas (dog)
Yoga
Edit videos
"Show Her Off" dance practice with Hubby
Chores

vacuum
laundry
clean floors
bathrooms
grocery shopping
dishes in dishwasher
handwash other dishes
wipe down kitchen counters
grind coffee, and set machine for AM

It is super easy to get sucked into the things I enjoy doing (DuoLingo, singing, dancing, writing) and super easy to get distracted away from the things I am not as fond of (laundry, editing videos, dishes) by engaging in things like scrolling social media, reading the news, or just fully giving up and going on a Netflix binge.

These are just daily goals I want to get in the habit of, but because I have no formal schedule, there are also so many other things that sneak their way in your day. Showering/dressing/getting ready for the day isn't on that list either, so that is more time spent elsewhere.

If I need to break from the to-do list, I will still set a 30 minute timer, and that will be a rest/goof-off time set. Those are important to work into the schedule too! Sometimes you just need a nudge to get you back to the task at hand.

My 30 minute breakup of my day will hopefully allow me to get most of those dailies done, and some should take less than the 30 mins, leaving me with extra time here and there. I have broken the rule a little bit this first day to take two 30 minute sections to write and edit blog.

My alarm is about to go off, and I suppose I will give myself 5 minutes to transfer in between tasks. I guess I will see if I can roll "getting ready" and "breakfast" into the same half hour segment, but if I don't, THAT IS STILL TOTALLY OK!

I am learning, I am trying new things, and I have to remember to be patient with myself. I won't berate myself for not following my rules, but I will try to stick to them to give the experiment a fair shot.

Everyone is different, and this style will probably drive some people absolutely out of their minds, but there may be a few of you out there with an "AHA!" moment after reading this, who now feel that with a little 30 minute timer, you can work smarter, not harder...

and eat the whole dang elephant!

Mental Strength and Unlearning

The Psychology of Desire

There has long been a debate about the degree to which humans are influenced either by nature (DNA) or nurture (the circumstances under which a person was raised). I find this debate fascinating because of how I view my family. For example, my sister is 18 months older than me, so for many practical reasons, I can say we grew up under very similar circumstances, although we share few similarities.

One of my favorite questions is why. Why do I look like my father but have a lot of the personality traits of my mother? Why does my sister look like my mother but has the personality traits of my father?

The facts are easy to state: I am tall, pale, dark haired, and blue eyed. I take risks, I like attention, I am not conflict averse. The reasoning behind these facts are both where my fascinations with human behavior lie, and where my frustration at unanswerable questions develop. Like some scientists that have preceded me, I have wondered if certain behavior markers are indicative of DNA expression.

According to a 2019 study, there are some genetic markers that can make one more or less predisposed to risk tolerance or aversion, which can in turn factor in on ones impluses to act on desires.

"Food is the Most Abused Anxiety Drug"

One undesirable habit that I picked up from my parents was the self-soothing coping mechanism of eating my feelings. Both of my parents were over eaters and emotional eaters. It is unclear what biological or learned factors are at work, but I picked up the habit of emotional eating, but my sister did not.

I remember my mother crying and eating a box of cookies in one sitting. I remember excuses of why it was ok to eat a bunch of chocolate on your period, or that it was normal to reach for something sugary when you were upset. No matter the occasion, sugar was the way to celebrate or comfort. While my mother did teach me to savor various aspects of consumption in settings like fine dining, there was a huge disconnect from what my mother tried to teach us versus what she actually taught us.

While there is much that can be said about my mother's parenting style, an unfortunate aspect that colors much of it is inconsistency. I call my mom a hippy because we grew up in California eating Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, smudging our house with sage, and making sure there was an appropriate amount of crystals around. When it came to food, my mom and sister were vegetarian or pescatarian for a large part of my upbringing.

We were reading food labels before it was cool. One of the items we always had to check was breakfast cereal. We were not allowed to eat a breakfast cereal if sugar was one of the first four ingredients. I don't know how familiar you are with breakfast cereals in the United States, but this criterion pretty much just left us with the option of GrapeNuts or Basic Four.

I know my mother's heart was in the right place as she tried to teach me and my sister about nutrition, but children are better at seeing actions than intent. I remember one Halloween when I was about 7, I tried to use some of my mother's inconsistent sugar logic to be allowed to eat another Pixie Stick (if you are unfamiliar, this just colored, sour sugar).

My logic was something like this: 1) We have to eat vitamin C chews every morning because Mom says it is for our health, 2) The chews are sweet, sour, and taste like oranges, 3) Orange Pixie Sticks taste like orange vitamin C, 4) Pixie Sticks contain vitamin C, and are therefore good for me. 5) I should be allowed to have unlimited orange Pixie Sticks.

I was quite mad when I was denied my extra dose of sugar, because I felt like I couldn't get a hold on what the rules were. When I was older, I realized my mother was susceptible to fad diets and "expert" advice that was far from expert (Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil were respected in our house before I learned better).

Due to the inconsistencies in sugar logic, it took me a long time to actually learn the facts about sugar, including why it is so prevalent in American food and culture, and the biological factors in humans that make sugar so addictive.

Mental Strength

I consider myself a fairly smart individual. I enjoy learning, research, self-improvement, exercise, fresh foods, psychology, and science. By all measurements, I am smart enough to know what is good for me and what is not.

I have no shame regarding mental health, and how important it is to daily life. I understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I can identify which of my habits are healthy or unhealthy.

I have found that to know something and to follow through with something are two separate beasts. When trying not to engage in unhealthy eating behaviors, I think about how my dad tried to cope with his unhealthy eating habits by imagining if your conscious would allow you to give a small child whatever you are going to eat.

"If you were babysitting little 7-year-old Casey, would you let her eat that whole tray of brownies? I hope not! Then why would you let adult Casey eat a whole tray of brownies?"

The most basic part of my brain wants to respond with some smart ass retort like, "Well 7-year-old Casey doesn't have to deal with the bullshit of being an adult, so adult Casey earned that tray of brownies."

I know damn well there is nothing that should earn me an entire tray of brownies, a whole batch of cookies, or the better part of a cake. I know that letting myself indulge in overeating sugar makes me feel literally sick to my stomach, it makes me feel disappointed in myself, it makes me feel mentally and emotionally weak. I binge so frequently that I gain weight.

Why in the world, if I know all of these things, do I continue to allow myself to indulge so heavily? According to Healthline, "researches in France agree that the casual link between sugar and illegal drugs doesn’t just make for dramatic headlines. Not only is there truth to it, but also they determined the rewards experienced by the brain after consuming sugar are even 'more rewarding and attractive' than the effects of cocaine." While I am grateful I never had a predisposition towards cocaine, the addictive properties of sugar are nonetheless disturbing and undeniable.

Besides the fact that this year has been a doozy to put it kindly, and a shit show to put it bluntly, I have gone through a lot of changes. Most of them have been a net positive on my life, but none of it has come easy. I have used the isolation of this year to clarify my goals, act with intention in a way that follows my morals, and clear away what has not been serving me up to this point.

As I have previously written ad nauseam, I have jettisoned toxic people, I have dedicated myself to learning and self improvement, I have redefined my goals based on numerous life trajectory shifts. In the last few years I have quit smoking, gotten a Bachelor's degree, gotten married, consolidated my 401(k) accounts and learned how to grow them, started investing in the stock market, started a blog, started a book, established my family, managed my lupus, sold a house, and dramatically decreased my drinking. I feel that all of these changes are a testament to my mental strength.

And yet, I have changed so much of my behavior that I tened to use it as a justification to stuff myself full of junk food. According to my logic, I have cut out so much "bad" stuff and implemented so much "good" stuff that I deserve these constant, not-so-little treats. I feel like I am missing out if I don't have dessert after dinner. This is where my mental strength falls short.

Unlearning

I have tried so many things to get this beast under control. I have tried a dissolvable pill called Sweet Defeat that contains zinc, which can confuse your taste buds and how your brain interprets the flavors so that you do not get the "high" that sugar provides. I have found I can easily talk myself out of taking it after dinner. I have tried not to buy desserts from the store. Too bad I am a good baker with infinite recipes at my finger tips!

While not his fault or his problem, my husband also loves sweet treats after dinner, and he loves my body at any size. This does not give me much incentive not to have sweets around.

In a year when I feel I have deprived myself of so much in order to keep from contracting a deadly disease, baking and eating sweet treats is not only a fun tradition, but a 34 year old tradition of self soothing.

While I have the mental strength to follow through and accomplish great things, I have to first unlearn my dependency on a sugar rush to easy my anxiety or sadness. I have to unlearn the connection between sugar and happiness I would see in my parents faces as they binged to feel better. I have to unlearn what being kind to myself looks like- reading a book or going for a walk instead of stuffing my face with lemon cake. I have to unlearn that moments of elation having the sugar melt on my lips is not worth the negative self-talk that follows it.

After all of the unhealthy ways I have learned to make myself feel better in the short term, I need to learn that I am worth the effort to find satisfying ways to end my evening that don't interrupt my sleep, my hormones, and my weight goals.

When it comes to breaking my dependence on sugar, I haven't figured out the how quite yet, but at least for now I have a better understanding of the why.

If you or a loved one suffer from addiction, you can seek assistance with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration by clicking this link or calling 1-800-662-4357

I Embraced My Authentic Self- And Got A Lot of Feedback

For Better or Worse, I Am Who I Am

In the television series "Lie To Me," the character Eli is known to say things to other characters that many would follow with, "whoops, did I actually say that out loud?" Eli, one character explains, is a proponent of "Radical Honesty," which is to say he says exactly what he means, regardless of the consequences.

I follow two schools of thought when it comes to honesty, and many times they are at odds with each other.

This first is Socrates' Triple Filters of Speech. This frame of thought implores the speaker to consider three aspects of what they have to say to someone before it is spoken: Is what you are about to say 1) true (factual, honest) 2) is it kind (will it ultimately do good) and 3) is it necessary (is it useful).

While I try hard to run my speech or bits of information through the Three Filters, sometimes I tie myself in knots and wring my hands about the second filter. The second school of thought of Radical Honesty is not concerned with whether or not a truth is kind or if it does good. The truth is the truth, and it should be spoken, regardless of how a person may interpret that truth emotionally.

I have the reputation among my friends and family of being that person who will always tell the truth, even if it is hard to hear. While I rejoice that my circle finds me trustworthy, it is a heavy burden to carry knowing that it is expected that you will probably eventually say hurtful things.

From Brash to Banal, and Back

I try to hang on to my judgements and opinions as much as I can, but I am a talker and a sharer, and it can be very hard for me to stay quiet. When I do open up, I tend to speak bluntly- at work I was often checked for not sugar-coating my communications with my coworkers or supervisors.

I would like to clarify that I never tried to be rude or hostile, but I am 6 feet tall, and I have been told that between my stature and my manner of speech, I can come across as intimidating. I have been getting this feedback since middle school, and I have tried to adjust and adapt. I have tried to sand down my edges, smile more, speak less, and many other forms of trying to make myself smaller in every sense of the word.

I have tried to temper my reactions, which used to be quite volatile. I have tried, at the suggestion of people who wanted to see me succeed, to be more assertive and less aggressive.

I value and prioritize self improvement, but many of these adjustments to my personality didn't take. I felt fake, and I knew I somehow wanted to be the same person to others that I was in my head. I didn't want to be Jekyll and Hyde, I just wanted to be myself.

I tried to find a middle path where I could be honest and authentic while not driving people away. Like the late great Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg said, "Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you." I felt like I had good messages, but I was delivering them in a way that was unpalatable to most people.

I found that a way to temper my harsh image was with unrelenting kindness. "I want to be nice," I once told my sister. "That is the most boring personality trait, and it barely means anything" she countered. "True," I conceded, "well more than nice, I just want to be perceived as kind."

I started offering help more. I started being more free with compliments (though I never gave false compliments). I started being kinder to myself, which was a huge step I hadn't known I needed to take.

My kindness had the desired effect of tempering the impact of my radical honesty. I still got feedback like, "You aren't wrong, but you are a little harsh." I had to be more aware of what my friends and family needed.

My habit is to jump into giving opinions and solving problems, and I knew I had to start asking if someone wanted advice or simply wanted to be heard. I felt like I was becoming a better friend and a better person, but it was so hard to let go of the need to be heard myself. I spent so long seeking attention, that it was hard for me to focus 100% on what the other person was saying. I didn't want to be one of those people who only listen to just enough of what you are saying to be able to start forming what they want to say next.

Honesty as an Attribute? It Depends Who You Ask

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

I learned early on in my adulthood that when you buy something, you are supporting everything about it: from sourcing and manufacturing to packaging and delivery. Because of this, I have been hyper-aware of my spending habits since about 2004.

At the time I came into adulthood, I was not very aware of foreign policy or trade policy, but I knew that buying clothing from China meant supporting underpaid workers in terrible conditions, so I checked the label of each item of clothing before I bought it. If there were options other than being made in China, I chose the alternative. Sometimes there was nothing I could do in that moment, and I would have to compromise my values to get a product I needed. For example, sometimes the only socks in a store were made in China.

Unfortunately, the reason so may people support corrupt practices with their dollar is that the product is just so dang cheap! But that is because the workers were not being fairly compensated for their labor. I wanted to support as many American-made products as possible, but when you are living paycheck to paycheck, you simply can't afford to vote with your dollar. You just need to make that dollar stretch as far as possible until the next paycheck.

I understand the low prices are why many people choose to shop at Walmart. In 2006-2007, I was taking business classes online, and I had to write a paper on the business practices of Walmart, and how those practices often put small business in an unsurvivable position. A huge corporation bullied suppliers into manufacturing past their capabilities and providing those goods at unreasonably and unsustainably low prices. It also severely underpaid their workers by hiring groups of people that were so desperate for money that they accepted subpar wages. This is why Walmart was well know to have septuagenarians and octogenarians as their door greeters.

Accidental Activism

A Holiday Season Like No Other

The Great Reckoning of 2020

...And That is OK!

Cautious Optimism

Well, it feels like 2020 has contained about 3,000 days so far. It is only mid October, so maybe another 1,500 days to go until 2021, right?

As easy as it can be to slip into a pity party now, and trust me that I have thrown a bunch at this point, it is so important to remember to look for the silver linings in these dark clouds. I was recently lamenting the temporary loss of custody of my stepkids due to COVID-19, as both households have radically different ideas of what it means to be safe and socially distanced. We happen to be the family with higher concerns, as I am immunocompromised, so we are the more restrictive household.

The only solace I can extract from this situation is that I know the children are getting what they want (socialization, sports, on-campus school), and we are able to protect ourselves more thoroughly. Before the visitations stopped, I would get extreme anxiety before they would come visit because I had no way of knowing their behavioral patterns in the weeks prior, which always felt like a huge risk.

I am cautiously optimistic that a safe vaccine will be developed by early next year, so we can resume visitation, we can give them huge hugs, and everyone will feel safer. Although my mind does wander in unhelpful directions to the point of spiraling out, I have become better at interrupting that destructive pattern. Instead of fretting about what the kids are doing, when I have absolutely no control over any of it, I pause to take a moment to send positive vibes, well wishes, and feelings of protection around all of them- the kids, their mother, and her new boyfriend who used to be our neighbor.

While my initial reactions to thinking about the two latter humans usually invokes rage and nausea, I am trying to develop the best version of myself by sending love and protection to them, despite my fervent disagreement with their decisions as a whole. I do it because I want the kids to know that everyone has their best interests at heart. I may not believe they do, but I have to let myself believe it because there is no alternative except to drive myself further into despair.

The Kids Are Alright

Part of the reason I feel so deeply for these children is that my sister and I were also the products of a divorced family. It is easy to get swept up in ideas that these young children's minds are being pumped full of disinformation or malice against us. In reality, we have no idea what they are being told. We know that they seem excited to video chat with us on Sundays. As I was navigating my childhood through two households, I was told a lot about "the other parent" from both sides. It was very rarely good.

I have become increasingly aware in the last few years that I have assumed that these two wonderful children that I now officially get to call my step kids are experiencing the same trauma that my sister and I had to spend years in therapy to undo. I most probably have projected some of my fears and past experiences onto their experience, but I do not know the entirety of their lives. I have only been privileged to be a part of their lives for the past 4 years.

While they may be experiencing trauma, I have noticed how resilient and adaptive children are. I was a very angry child, and it has taken most of my life for that anger to dissipate. I have tried to pivot my thinking to a few years down the road, when they have more freedom and autonomy. I can't focus on this point in time, firstly because this year is a straight up dumpster fire, but secondly because I remember how I felt when I was their age. I was old enough to realize when I was being manipulated, and I was smart enough to realize that adults have no freaking idea what they are doing, and pretty much everyone is damaged in some way.

I think about their adulthood, because I think about my relationship with my stepmom, Kathleen.

Family Isn't Always Kin

My dad started dating Kathleen when I was in middle school. He eventually moved in to her home, and she kindly set up beds in her office so we would be able to spend every other weekend in her two bedroom condo.

Kathleen was always kind, and always tried to get to know us and be interested in our lives, even though we only saw them a limited amount of time. Kathleen never pushed. Kathleen never judged. Kathleen only offered solicited advice (something I am still working on). Kathleen was a female figure I felt comfortable opening up to in a time when my relationship with my mother was stressed.

After high school, dad and Kathleen would bribe me with dinner and a free washer and dryer (I lived on campus at college, where the laundry was coin operated, and I was very broke). I say bribe, but I know it was just loving invites. I introduced friend and boyfriends to them, and they were happy to extend invitations to parties and celebrations.

My dad left Kathleen when I was about 24. I dutifully came to help my dad load up boxes and move up north. I believe Kathleen thought that would be the last time we would speak. Not long after dad had settled, I called to check in on her to make sure she was ok. She seemed shocked, but elated that I would want to maintain a relationship with her. "Well DUH," I said to her. "At this point, I have known you longer than I have not known you!" When I got married the next year, she was invited along with both my parents. Was it stressful? Undeniably. Was it worth it? Absolutely. My mom and Kathleen get along just fine, but my dad can (understandably) get a little awkward around them.

Any friction that may happen between them is always overridden by the fact that all of them want what is best for me and my sister. When I finally earned my bachelors degree last year, my mom, my dad, and Kathleen were all there to celebrate with me. I know it can get uncomfortable, but everyone knows that this is the only way to be if they want to be included in my life.

My dad and Kathleen never actually got married, but I will always call her my stepmom.

Pick Someone You Respect to Emulate

When I first started dating my now-husband-as-of-last-week, I had no idea that I would become a stepmom. I had always assumed I would have biokids. Step-parenting is so difficult because it is a tightrope walk of authority and deference to the parents wishes.

When I would get stuck on how to act as a step-parent figure to a 7 and a 10 year old, I started running calculations that my brain had filed under "What Would Kathleen Do?" Due to the fact that I have enjoyed and still enjoy the relationship I have with my stepmom, I wanted to do my best by these little ones. I hoped that perhaps eventually, if I were to be so lucky, I would be able to have a relationship with them in the future, as adults. When I think about the aspects of Kathleen's personality that drew me to her, it is her honesty, kindness, and reliability that top the list. That was the kind of step parent I wanted to be.

So for the past 4 years, I have done what I could. I cooked healthy dinners when they were here, I took them to school, I volunteered in their classrooms and on field trips. I told them I would always be honest with them, and that I wanted what was best for them. I told them I loved them, but tried to give them space and not be suffocating. I read with them, played board games with them, checked their homework, and watched baking shows. I feel like I was allowed the privilege to be a positive influence in their lives in a time of rapid growth and development.

Now they are 11 and 14, and we have tried to encourage self-advocacy, since they have gone through a lot in their short lives with little autonomy. If they have self-advocated to participate in activities that we deem too risky during a time of a global pandemic, so be it. I hate hypocrisy, and it would be foolish of me to advocate for them to speak up for themselves, but only if it benefited me and my husband.

Life Sampling Family?

I took a leap of faith when my husband gave me an "out", as it were, before his kids moved back to CA from the East Coast four years ago. They would be living with him the whole summer, and he said he understood if that wasn't something I had expected or signed up for. I knew he was special, and I always loved children, so I sampled parenthood.

At the time I was still considering having children of my own. Being 10 years my senior, my husband gave me a second "out" when he firmly told me he was done having children. We discussed separating if that was a deal breaker for me. Once more, I took a leap of faith that this man and his children were worth what many women would consider a huge sacrifice: my relationship with them would cost the opportunity of having biological children. I initially grieved the loss of a lifetime expectation, but I channeled my desire to love and raise a tiny creature into adopting a wonderful puppy we named Atlas. The kids came with us to pick him out, and they love him too.

It has been surprisingly awkward for me to explain my decision to other women. Although I know it is meant kindly, I get increasingly frustrated with comments like, "But you are YOUNG, you still have time!" and "Maybe he will change his mind!" and to my shock, "Well...I mean...you could just get pregnant, and he will come around." FFS. So many people are so invested in other people's bodies and life choices. The amount of friends and strangers that suggested in one way or another that I "trap" him frankly made me disgusted.

Dear reader, whatever you decide to do with your body, however you decide your version of family will look, however you decide to live your life, as long as it does no harm to others, is the right decision. This is your life, and although we are often influenced heavily by those around us, ultimately nearly everything is your choice.

I choose to live in a way that I find to be honest, ethical, moral, and fulfilling. It can be all of those without having biological children.

I hope in the future that I get to sample being a grandparent, but nothing in life is certain. All we can do is extract the good.

I am 34, and I just got off the phone after an hour long conversation with my stepmom. I will always be grateful for the role she played in my life, even though our phone conversations sometimes reveal our divisions in politics or open-mindedness.

We are not bound by law or blood, but Kathleen is my family, although I have been having some misgivings about how to stay connected to her when I am troubled by her outlook on life. I hope I can create and maintain a loving relationship with my two growing, wonderful stepkids, and I hope that we stay aligned as they become adults.

Life Sampler in Action!

An Impatiently Unenthused Youth

Being Open to Possibilities

Humility and Fallibility

Transformation and Self Improvement

Motivating Others

Putting it Out There:

A Lesson in Bravery

When Life Hands You Lemons...

Oh. My. Goodness

I never imagined when I wrote my last blog entry that it would take nearly a year to write the next one.

2019, How I Miss Thee...