Can a Tiger Change It's Stripes?

 Transformation and Self Improvement 

Motivating Others

The old adage is true: a person cannot change unless they want to. I have always been a motivator type, but it has been noted by those close to me that I have high expectations for people, and I tend to get quite disappointed if they do not rise to the occasion. I think it is possible that my disappointment has often been misinterpreted as trying to shame a person into following through with whatever I expected them to rise to. In reality, I feel guilty and disappointed in myself for not having been successful in helping to motivate the people in my circle. 

One  Misstep is Not the End of the Road

I have learned that my major mistake was assuming that others had the same intent of self improvement that I felt.  As I get older, I realize that there is a widespread sense of complacency. I have often seen itself disguised as part of the "love yourself the way you are" movement. To clarify, I do believe that you should love yourself the way you are, however, I believe there is always room for improvement. I have seen friends and family use the ideas of loving who you are and living authentically to excuse poor behavior. It usually sounds something like, "well this is who I am, if you don't like it, you can leave." This sentiment is like freezing yourself in time. The first step to self improvement is self awareness. 

Change is Inevitable 

For the group staunchly rooted in loving themselves as they are in this moment in time, I counter with the inarguable fact that change is constant. My favorite yoga instructor used to say, "Everyday, your body changes. It is up to you if it changes for better or for worse." I argue that the same is true for the "self." The inner being that comprises what makes you you is sometimes called the soul, the Higher Self, the mind, or the inner monologue, among others. This is the part of yourself that has adapted to your surroundings and situations. I find it interesting and compelling that most of the people I know who follow the "This Is Me" creed are also the people who complain about aspects of their physical self, usually in regards to being overweight. They are aware that they want their body to change, but are unaware that they have limited their success by convincing their brain that the total goal is self love. Self love and self esteem are incredibly important to living a full happy life, however, old ways do not open new doors. 

You Can Lead a Horse To Water, But You Can't Make It Drink

In my own quest for self improvement, I have had to be self reflective in order to identify the aspects of myself, my body, or my personality that I would like to work on. When setting goals, many people focus on the surface issue, such as weight loss. I had a friend that would constantly complain that she was getting "too thick." She was my friend, and I wanted to help her, so I asked if she was serious about weight loss. She insisted she was, so I invited her to come to the gym with me using my guest pass, and I would work out with her. She complained the entire time. I tried to address the mental issues that had contributed to her weight gain (depression at the loss of 2 close family members a year apart), as well as her behavioral issues that were contributing factors, such as excessive drinking coupled with poor sleeping and eating habits. I quickly learned that she already knew what she needed to do to accomplish what she wanted (weight loss), but she lacked the self discipline and self responsibility to succeed. I tried to help her for years, and I only recently realized that for some reason that I was not privy to, she was just not ready for the personal change needed to accomplish her goals. When I put up my own boundaries to prevent myself from pouring energy into someone who was unwilling to reciprocate, we literally stopped talking when I stopped initiating the conversation. This was my opportunity for personal growth to realize that while I want to help people, I can't control them. I can only wish the best for them. 

Improvement Takes Work

In regards to the initial musing of if a tiger can change their stripes, I believe I am an example of the affirmative. I believe comparison is a root of unhappiness, so the only person I try to compete with is myself. I try to be just a fraction better than the person I was yesterday, every day. I used to be angry, loud, and mean. It stemmed from an unstable childhood and deeply rooted self esteem issues. I was lashing out like a child. I had the "this is just who I am" mentality, and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't being successful in relationships or in the workplace. It has taken a lot of time, innumerable mistakes, and plenty of hard falls to reach the point I am at now. I have read many books on self improvement, seen therapists, and done a lot of introspection to try to become a better person over time. What I did not realize is that self-improvement is a very careful balance between taking an honest look at your past and how it has molded you into the person you are today, and learning to be at peace with the fact that maybe you were not a good person in that past. It is a balancing act to not fall into negative self talk while accepting that you are on a positive journey. The journey can be long and tiring, but it is full of learning that can greatly increase your appreciation for life. 

When motivating yourself and others, remember that it is a process, not a light switch. It takes patience, but it also demands a sharp eye for pitfalls and setbacks. Allow yourself to fail and fall, but bring yourself back to your purpose, center yourself, and continue your journey. You will get discouraged. You will wonder if it is worth it, but only you have the answer. 

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

― Henry Ford