How Do You Eat An Elephant?

 One Bite at a Time!

Do you know that feeling when it seems like you have a million things to do, but there are only so many hours in the day? You do a little here, a little there, but then you wind up sidetracked either by something that took way longer than expected, or (more likely) you got distracted by something on your phone, and went into a scroll-hole. 

As someone diagnosed with ADHD a long time ago, I can tell you this is part of my every day life. Sometimes I can pour over my computer writing for hours, but most of the time, I sort of flit from one thing to the next, becoming increasingly frustrated with myself that I can't get to everything on my list. 

Today, in my typical Life Sampler fashion, I am trying something new. Today I am doing everything in 30 minute increments. 

This is something I have never tried before, and you may be thinking that 30 minutes isn't enough to become productive at something. Who knows, in the future, I may wind up expanding it to 45 minutes or an hour. 

The point is that I identified a problem, which was my perceived inability to accomplish all my daily goals. I also know I can be my own worst enemy. For example, I HATE doing laundry. I despise it with a passion. I love fresh clothes, I don't really mind the sorting, but for some reason I completely lose it when it comes to getting things from the washer to the dryer, and for whatever reason folding and hanging clothes is the absolute BANE of my existence. There is nothing inherently bad about doing laundry, I just hate it with a passion that burns hotter than hellfire. 

   

The old adage that lends itself to the title of this blog is an analogy for accomplishing big tasks. Eating an elephant is no small task. How do you even start?! One bite at a time. The analogy always grossed me out, because I have a vivid imagination, but the lesson rings true: in order to accomplish goals, it is best to start with the first small step, and go from there. 

"Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the only thing he can't afford to lose." -- Thomas Edison

WonderMom: How does she do it?!

You know that mom who seems to have endless energy, boundless dedication to her children and their education, an amazing love life, AND hold down a job? I have known a few of them, and I will tell you they are more ragged behind the scenes than they appear, but they still pull it off. If you came to this blog wondering how they do it, I can only say I wish I had the answers for you. This is not that blog. 😅

I don't have bio-children, I haven't seen my stepkids since August 2020 (due to the Pandemic), I don't have to work a full time job, and I feel like I am Still. Always. Freakin. Tired. 

My 30 minute system is a way for me to see where I am dragging my feet, where I need more time, and it is designed to give me a sense of accomplishment. After all, four hours is eight 30 minute segments, and I know I can get a lot done in eight sections. 

Why Bother? 

If I can get so much done in eight 30 minute segments, why not just put my head down and grind out some work for 4 hours? It ties back to my ADHD. I had to find ways to overcome my learning hindrances in order to do well in school and hold a steady job. One phrase that I loved to use when I worked at Trader Joe's was "work smarter, not harder." 

This is a trial method to see if working in half-hour increments makes my day easier. Though I may not be wrangling 3 kids under 5 years old or rushing off to a corporate job, there is still plenty that I do in my day, especially since I am loving the idea of expanding the Life Sampler to YouTube (more to come on that). 

The following are some items I wanted to work into my daily schedule to become routine habit:

AM:

• Write for Life Sampler Blog
• Plan YouTube content
• DuoLingo (Spanish, French, German, Arabic) 
• Empty dishwasher
• Breakfast
• Dance Workout
• Art- acrylic, alcohol ink, or epoxy
• Singing Practice

PM:

• Read
• Walk Atlas (dog)
• Yoga
• Edit videos
• "Show Her Off" dance practice with Hubby
• Chores
• vacuum
• laundry
• clean floors
• bathrooms
• grocery shopping
• dishes in dishwasher
• handwash other dishes
• wipe down kitchen counters
• grind coffee, and set machine for AM

It is super easy to get sucked into the things I enjoy doing (DuoLingo, singing, dancing, writing) and super easy to get distracted away from the things I am not as fond of (laundry, editing videos, dishes) by engaging in things like scrolling social media, reading the news, or just fully giving up and going on a Netflix binge. 

These are just daily goals I want to get in the habit of, but because I have no formal schedule, there are also so many other things that sneak their way in your day. Showering/dressing/getting ready for the day isn't on that list either, so that is more time spent elsewhere. 

If I need to break from the to-do list, I will still set a 30 minute timer, and that will be a rest/goof-off time set. Those are important to work into the schedule too! Sometimes you just need a nudge to get you back to the task at hand.  

My 30 minute breakup of my day will hopefully allow me to get most of those dailies done, and some should take less than the 30 mins, leaving me with extra time here and there. I have broken the rule a little bit this first day to take two 30 minute sections to write and edit blog. 

My alarm is about to go off, and I suppose I will give myself 5 minutes to transfer in between tasks. I guess I will see if I can roll "getting ready" and "breakfast" into the same half hour segment, but if I don't, THAT IS STILL TOTALLY OK!

I am learning, I am trying new things, and I have to remember to be patient with myself. I won't berate myself for not following my rules, but I will try to stick to them to give the experiment a fair shot. 

Everyone is different, and this style will probably drive some people absolutely out of their minds, but there may be a few of you out there with an "AHA!" moment after reading this, who now feel that with a little 30 minute timer, you can work smarter, not harder...

 and eat the whole dang elephant!

Blind Spots

We all have blind spots and gaps in our knowledge. Ideally, you find a friend group and/or a partner who can help you fill those gaps in order to get a more complete and accurate version of the world. 

Life Sampling is about trying something you have never tried before to see if it ignites a passion or curiosity within you. Sampling Life allows you to connect with yourself and what you need, and refines how you want to interact with the world around you. 

Part of the theory of Racial Honesty that I follow sometimes entails holding a mirror up to someone so that they can see their blind spot. You are helping them see. To me, this should not be considered criticism, but rather a caring thing to do for someone out of love. 

You want to see the best versions of them, and you want them to see the best versions of themselves as well. You want them to act like they deserve the best, because you want to see them thrive. 

As someone who is deeply affected by criticisms and simultaneously detests hypocrisy, I try very hard to be self-reflective, so I can spot any previously unnoticed hypocrisies I may have committed. My sister once told me, "When you point a finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you. You tend to recognize things in others that you dislike in yourself." 

Or, as John from The Good Place would say, "If you spot it, ya got it!" 

Admitting you know nothing can be more powerful than trying to convince others you know everything. I admit that I am fallible, I am human, I make mistakes, and I try to own up to them. 

Sometimes, no matter how long or how fiercely you pour over the mirror, there are still some things that get missed, like trying to put sunscreen on your own back. 

Sometimes (many times), the strong, outspoken Alphas need someone to hold a different mirror up to them so they can see their blind spot. 

Apparently, that can be a scary thing. I have been told I am too intimidating to say some things to, no matter how much I beg for people to be honest with me. Radical Honesty is a two way street, and you can't expect to dish out the honesty without being open to taking it as well. 

If someone you know decides to have a Radical Honesty session with you, hopefully they have the tact, empathy, and vocabulary to give the feedback in a positive way, so that it is interpreted as it was meant to be received- with love, and born out of a sense of caring.

Often times, this is why I choose to communicate with people through writing. When I am passionate about something, I can get a little heated, and I don't think as clearly about what I want to say. When I take the time to sit down and write something to someone- especially if it is a form of feedback or Radical Honesty- it allows me the time to compose myself, make sure I am saying what I am trying to say clearly and concisely, and to edit. 

During hard conversations, my brain can start to race, become foggy, or just draw a blank. Writing down what I want to say allows me to take a beat to reflect on what I am wanting to communicate to the other person. It allows me to feel heard without interruption, so that I can get out everything I wanted to say without having to revisit the topic down the road. 

This can be a helpful exercise when dealing with anger or outburst issues. I have written many an email to my husband littered with profanity, accusations, and dramatic declarative sentences. Then- and this is truly the hard part- I DON'T HIT SEND. I take a breath, get a cup of coffee, maybe walk the dog to calm myself and process what I just wrote, along with the emotions attached to them. 

After the walk I will come back and reread what I wrote that I wanted so desperately at the time to yell at my husband. If I feel that the points I made were warranted (sans profanity and insults), I will make a bullet point list on paper, so that I have a reference list when we sit down to discuss the disagreement later. 

This is important for me, because my husband prefers to sweep disagreements under the rug, whereas I need some form of analysis and resolution to try to stop a cycle of the same (negative) behavior from forming. I talk out my letters with my therapist (EVERYONE should have access to, and use the services of a therapist, in my humble opinion). 

Blind spots can be something like how a significant other is treating you, and how that treatment is interpreted by the people who love you. It could be trying to tell a friend you feel that they talk over you too much, when it turns out they felt they had to speak without taking breaths because you typically dominate the conversation. 

People have meaningful conversations all the time about how to get their needs met, but we are hard-wired to think about our needs before other's needs. Sometimes it can completely escape us that what we are asking someone else to do or to stop is something we need to work on ourselves. 

I am here to tell you that not only is that OK, but it is a positive thing. I believe that you should love yourself fully and enthusiastically, wherever you are in your life journey. However, I also believe that everyone should strive to be the best versions of themselves. It is nearly impossible to become the best version of yourself alone in a bubble. 

You need interactions with other humans inside and outside of your cultural sphere to expand your horizons, open your heart to what is "different," and live with humility, love, and gratitude. Again, the whole point of the Life Sampler is to find what gives you purpose in life, along with a feeling of peace, well-being, and real happiness. 

Someone exposing one of your blind spots is not an insult to who you are as a human. Rather, it is simply a mirror to help you on your journey. That is why all cars have mirrors- to avoid preventable missteps on the journey by giving you a fuller view of what surrounds you. 

Leveling Up Is Not a Zero Sum Game

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner! 💸

It is easy to get lost in the daydream of what you would do if you won the lottery. Whether sitting at a desk job I hated or doing long days with physical hours at a job I loved, I would envision reading my ticket with amazement as every single number matched. 

I would envision donning a hat and sunglasses to be incognito as I walked into the lottery office to collect a check for millions. I had already decided to take the lump sum. I had already decided to decline a news conference. I would imagine depositing the check at a bank, and knowing the feeling wouldn't sink in until I was able to see all of the zeros in my account. 

I ran through the immediate list of how people upgrade their lives when they get a financial windfall- stop working, new house, new wardrobe, new car, maybe blow a little on make up and hair. But then what? 

According to an article on CNBC, many lotto winners declare bankruptcy within three to five years of their win due to lack of discipline with the money, depression over handling the windfall with friends and family who feel they are entitled to some of the winnings, or the over indulgence of drugs or gambling. I imagine many of these winners coming from simple backgrounds, maybe lacking education in financial management. After all, if they are playing the lottery, they probably aren't wringing their hands about their carefully curated stock portfolio.

What happens, then, if you find yourself in a new economic echelon in less dramatic circumstances? 

When I first started dating my now-husband five years ago, he was financially recovering from his divorce, which didn't leave him with much extra at his rate of pay. I didn't know anything about him when an acquaintance introduced us at his house party. 

I'm not gonna lie, I assumed he was renting the house, because I spotted a few bottles of Two Buck Chuck (a.k.a. Charles Shaw wine, sold at Trader Joe's for decades at $1.99/bottle). I worked at TJ's for 10 years, yes, I judged him on his wine selection🍷😂!

We were married in October of 2020, and in the last five years I have refined his palate for food and wine, and he has improved our net wealth with discipline and austerity. Although we do spend money here and there on things that bring us personal joys (food and travel for me, a nice car for him), I would not say that we live lavishly. We have what we need, and we are both pretty much minimalists. We prefer to watch our money grow and spend scrupulously so that we are prepared for the future. 

My point is this: life can change on a dime, and I forewarn you with all of my heart and previous knowledge that the haters will come flocking to tear you down. There are people that DO NOT want to see you succeed. They don't want to see you get better, because it makes them feel worse that they are not doing better. 

2020 has brought to light for me personally that MOST of the people I had surrounded myself with were big on needing support and validation, but not great at giving it. I have cut out a lot of toxic people, and I look forward to the people I will meet in the future who align with my personality and goals. 

To that end, it is very hard to change economic tiers. When you are in the bottom, you go to the local pub and commiserate with the other people at the bottom, struggling in jobs they hate to pay bills that will never be payed off. There is a sense of unity in misery. 

I think there is a commonality among  some of the people who go broke after they win the lottery, and that is a lack of a sense of charity, generosity, and altruism. People are focused on their own fantasy of living "the good life," that the wealth can get squandered in the pursuit of personal, selfish wish fulfillment. 

My lottery day dreams always included a house and care for my physically disabled mom, and an apartment and art studio that isn't mere feet from one of the busiest, most congested (and smog-producing) freeways in Los Angeles for my artist sister (side note, you should definitely check out her 'gram, as she is one of the smartest, kindest, most talented people I have the honor of knowing). 

I planned to donate to causes like Planned Parenthood, as well as invest in companies that were trying to save the planet by reducing waste like Loop Industries. Since I advocate for "Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is," I bought eight shares of Loop Industries, and I recently found out that they are partnering with my favorite beauty supply store, ULTA.

Join the Waitlist!

I consider investing in companies you believe in one of the first basic steps of being able to make a difference in the world around you. 1) You are putting money in the stock market, which when done in a smart and disciplined manner can increase your wealth. 2) You are supporting companies you believe in, which can allow them to grow and exert pressure on other industries to follow suit and change industry norms. 3) You become more aware of the strength and power of companies, and how you as a consumer can help drive the economy and responsible business practices. 

The secondary form of using wealth to make a difference is philanthropic organizations. At the beginning of my search of how to apply my skills and knowledge to give back to my community, I felt a little bit like the shopping scene from Pretty Woman. 

I have emerged from the lower class to the upper-middle class, but this can be a hard border to cross because people already in philanthropic circles may doubt your ability to participate based on what they might see on your LinkedIn profile. They have no way of really getting to know you (or your financial situation) until you become a member. 

I have a big heart, a lot of skills, and robust personality, but according to my LinkedIn, I have worked in grocery for most of my adult life, and finally managed to acquire a Bachelor's in Spanish in 2019. Honestly, if I were in their positions, I would be skeptical of my ability to pay between $250-$1000 yearly for the privilege of being part of the club. 

So how do you break in to these social circles, philanthropic circles, and 1%er circles? According to my husband, you pay to play or you wait for someone to take a chance on you. 

It is worth it for me to put in the work to find the right fit for my personality and ideas when I decide how I want to give back to the community in a way that will make the biggest impact. I don't want to hide my past or be ashamed of the fact that I come from a lower class family, and I worked in the service industry for most of my life. I believe everyone should have to work in the service industry for 6 months, at minimum (yes, including trust fund babies and the 1%ers). I think that would go a long way in raising our collective empathy, but that is a whole other story for a whole other blog. 

After researching various organizations in my area through LinkedIn, I have decided that I will be joining Women Give San Diego, as it works specifically with the local women to create financial stability and independence. I identify with and agree with their statements on their about page: 

            "We stand unequivocally against racism, injustice, and inequality – structural roadblocks that have negated Black involvement as equally participating and contributing participants of our national community. We do stand with our Black community members. We stand with peaceful protesters everywhere."

When you level up and your ability to Sample Life broadens, make sure you keep true to your values, and stand by companies with with you align. Reach out to women who believe in helping others thrive. Yes, I will have to pay membership dues to enter the world of these talented, educated, empathetic women, and hopefully that will allow them to see me for the diamond in the rough that I am. It may take more than my talents to break into this world, but once I am there I know I can shine. 

I want to do this now, so that down the road I can take a chance on someone with a fire in their heart and a deep drive to help others. Success for one does not mean less success for another. I want to see you thrive. I want to mentor. I feel good when other good people win. 

 As Tim McGraw says, "When you get where you are going, don't forget to turn back around and help the next one in line. Always stay humble and kind."