We all have blind spots and gaps in our knowledge. Ideally, you find a friend group and/or a partner who can help you fill those gaps in order to get a more complete and accurate version of the world.
Life Sampling is about trying something you have never tried before to see if it ignites a passion or curiosity within you. Sampling Life allows you to connect with yourself and what you need, and refines how you want to interact with the world around you.
Part of the theory of Racial Honesty that I follow sometimes entails holding a mirror up to someone so that they can see their blind spot. You are helping them see. To me, this should not be considered criticism, but rather a caring thing to do for someone out of love.
You want to see the best versions of them, and you want them to see the best versions of themselves as well. You want them to act like they deserve the best, because you want to see them thrive.
As someone who is deeply affected by criticisms and simultaneously detests hypocrisy, I try very hard to be self-reflective, so I can spot any previously unnoticed hypocrisies I may have committed. My sister once told me, "When you point a finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you. You tend to recognize things in others that you dislike in yourself."
Or, as John from The Good Place would say, "If you spot it, ya got it!"
Admitting you know nothing can be more powerful than trying to convince others you know everything. I admit that I am fallible, I am human, I make mistakes, and I try to own up to them.
Sometimes, no matter how long or how fiercely you pour over the mirror, there are still some things that get missed, like trying to put sunscreen on your own back.
Sometimes (many times), the strong, outspoken Alphas need someone to hold a different mirror up to them so they can see their blind spot.
Apparently, that can be a scary thing. I have been told I am too intimidating to say some things to, no matter how much I beg for people to be honest with me. Radical Honesty is a two way street, and you can't expect to dish out the honesty without being open to taking it as well.
If someone you know decides to have a Radical Honesty session with you, hopefully they have the tact, empathy, and vocabulary to give the feedback in a positive way, so that it is interpreted as it was meant to be received- with love, and born out of a sense of caring.
Often times, this is why I choose to communicate with people through writing. When I am passionate about something, I can get a little heated, and I don't think as clearly about what I want to say. When I take the time to sit down and write something to someone- especially if it is a form of feedback or Radical Honesty- it allows me the time to compose myself, make sure I am saying what I am trying to say clearly and concisely, and to edit.
During hard conversations, my brain can start to race, become foggy, or just draw a blank. Writing down what I want to say allows me to take a beat to reflect on what I am wanting to communicate to the other person. It allows me to feel heard without interruption, so that I can get out everything I wanted to say without having to revisit the topic down the road.
This can be a helpful exercise when dealing with anger or outburst issues. I have written many an email to my husband littered with profanity, accusations, and dramatic declarative sentences. Then- and this is truly the hard part- I DON'T HIT SEND. I take a breath, get a cup of coffee, maybe walk the dog to calm myself and process what I just wrote, along with the emotions attached to them.
After the walk I will come back and reread what I wrote that I wanted so desperately at the time to yell at my husband. If I feel that the points I made were warranted (sans profanity and insults), I will make a bullet point list on paper, so that I have a reference list when we sit down to discuss the disagreement later.
This is important for me, because my husband prefers to sweep disagreements under the rug, whereas I need some form of analysis and resolution to try to stop a cycle of the same (negative) behavior from forming. I talk out my letters with my therapist (EVERYONE should have access to, and use the services of a therapist, in my humble opinion).
Blind spots can be something like how a significant other is treating you, and how that treatment is interpreted by the people who love you. It could be trying to tell a friend you feel that they talk over you too much, when it turns out they felt they had to speak without taking breaths because you typically dominate the conversation.
People have meaningful conversations all the time about how to get their needs met, but we are hard-wired to think about our needs before other's needs. Sometimes it can completely escape us that what we are asking someone else to do or to stop is something we need to work on ourselves.
I am here to tell you that not only is that OK, but it is a positive thing. I believe that you should love yourself fully and enthusiastically, wherever you are in your life journey. However, I also believe that everyone should strive to be the best versions of themselves. It is nearly impossible to become the best version of yourself alone in a bubble.
You need interactions with other humans inside and outside of your cultural sphere to expand your horizons, open your heart to what is "different," and live with humility, love, and gratitude. Again, the whole point of the Life Sampler is to find what gives you purpose in life, along with a feeling of peace, well-being, and real happiness.
Someone exposing one of your blind spots is not an insult to who you are as a human. Rather, it is simply a mirror to help you on your journey. That is why all cars have mirrors- to avoid preventable missteps on the journey by giving you a fuller view of what surrounds you.
