Staying Centered in Tumultuous Times

A Bleak Year Blends Into the Next...

My husband and I sat in my mother-in-law's house on December 31st, 2020. We watched the countdown on local news with little fanfare- no champagne, no party hats, no noise makers, and barely a mumble of "Happy New Year" as we unceremoniously turned off the TV and went to bed. 

                                                        

We had driven from Southern California to Austin, taking every precaution to wear masks and sanitize our hands after gas stops and food breaks. We split the 20 hour drive into 2 days, renting an "extra deep clean" Air BnB to rest at a half way point. 

For days we had weighed the pros and cons of coming out to help my husband's family settle the affairs of his father, who had passed away after complications from a cancer removal surgery on December 23rd. It had been a sad Christmas for us all. 

As overwhelming as 2020 had been, our 2021 was not off to the most hopeful start either. There was so much stress with the travel (I can tell you now, I am not excited for the 20 hour drive back in a few days), being concerned about any possible transmissions to or from my mother-in-law or sister-in-law, and dealing with the confusion and heartache that one experiences when dealing with hospitals, death certificates, and estate handling. 

I sit here on Sunday, only 3 days in to 2021, as the 117th Congress convenes, audio tapes are released of Trump trying to strong arm his way into a second term, and Senators are weaving seditious and treasonous plans. 

Although this does not at all resemble the United States of America I was taught to respect and revere as a beacon of democracy throughout the world, I am doing my best to stay grateful for what I have. 

As a reluctant news junkie, I read devastating stories of atrocities all over the world. Only recently have I felt that America is slipping so far from what it once was that I fear for our ability to claw our way back to an equilibrium, to common decency, and respect for facts and science.  

Reluctant Embraces

Aside from our wedding on 10/10/2020, where I was able to hug my sister and best friend as they acted as witness and oficiant respectively, I have not had physical contact with family or friends other than my husband and stepchildren since March 13, 2020- the ultimate Friday the 13th.  

Despite the morbid circumstances that brought us here, I was so eager to see my newly official family-in-law. We wore masks as we unloaded our car- which included our 100-pound pitbull mastiff, Atlas- into Nana's house. As it was when my sister arrived on my wedding day, there were moments of awkward hesitation as we discussed how we would be handling mask wearing and contact during the trip. 😷😷

We had been very diligent about isolation from the very beginning, as my immune system is compromised due to lupus. Nana had been very diligent about isolation due to her age. We decided that as we would be sleeping in the same house for a week and eating together, masks inside seemed a little pointless. 

We had more hesitation with my sister-in-law. She had been less assiduous, but as she is a teacher, we were grateful she would not be teaching in-person while we were there, and she had recently had a negative Covid test. 

As we walked into their father's home on New Year's Day, we again did an awkward hug shuffle. Of course I wanted to embrace her in sympathy for her situation, as well as the fact that this was the first time we were seeing each other as relatives. "Oh good, I didn't know if we were hugging," she said as we came together briefly before assessing what needed to be done to go through their father's belongings and sorting paperwork. 

Though usually outwardly stoic, I could have cried at the impact their hugs had on me. It made me feel for my 95 year old grandmother in a long term care facility near San Luis Obispo, CA. She forgets why my dad and aunt can't pick her up for their usual lunches anymore. My heart breaks for those who have been quarantined alone, without any human contact at all. 

The thoughts of family members sharing tearful hugs through plastic sheets demonstrates both the unimaginable chaos and pain we are living though, as well as the ingenuity, hope, and resilience humans are capable of. 

As Usual, It Boils Down to Gratitude

Every day I am grateful for my loving, protective husband and my affectionate dog.  I am forever thankful that I do not want for food, clothing, or shelter. I could focus on the hundreds of things I perceive to have gone wrong this year, but with so much pain and suffering plaguing the world right now, I can not afford to allow myself to be swallowed by despair.  

This year especially, I have been grateful that both my husband and I have been able to work from home, which has given us some piece of mind as far as the risks we take with the virus. I worked at Trader Joe's for 10 years, and I don't know what I could have done if I had still been working there at the start of the pandemic. I likely would have had to quit. I count grocery store workers as absolutely essential- worthy of respect, protection, and certainly hazard pay.  

Aside from a kidney infection from lupus that sent me to the hospital this July, I can say I am grateful for my health. I feel so fortunate not to have lost anyone close due to Covid. 

When it feels like every day there is some new catastrophe or some new horrific form of pandemonium, when it feels like America is burning down and we are facing the apocalypse, I run through everything I am grateful for, usually remembering to be thankful for the simple fact that I woke up this morning.

Brass Tacks

I love to philosophize about life and how to get through it, but sometimes you just need some straight forward information or a list of ideas. With that in mind, here are other ideas that can help you keep your cool during this extraordinary, bizarre period of time we are living through. In the spirit of Life Sampling, try a few and see what works for you:

• Reading a book in a genre you love (admittedly I have been reading more news than books lately)
• Reading self help books (I loved "I Hear You," as we could all use some help with communication these days)
• Plan calls or video chats with friends and family (helps combat feelings of isolation)
• Look into resources for seeing a therapist (this is a ridiculous year, and you can get help to find healthy coping strategies. Mental health is of the utmost importance) 
• Exercising (this is a great idea for everyone- it helps with mood, sleep, weight, and a plethora of other things! A few push ups and jumping jacks can get your heart pumping,  and a nice yoga flow can help with relaxation)
• Trying a new hobby you can do at home
• Knitting or crochet (keeps your hands busy)
• Painting (acrylic pouring is very popular now-check out my Instagram art page!)
• Drawing or sketching (keep a book at hand for when inspiration strikes) 
• Coding (could possibly lead to career opportunities down the road. Kaggle is a free resource that is a great place to start!)
• Sharpen your STEM skills (Khan Academy is an amazing free resource)
• Gardening (Spring will be here before you know it! Plan what you might want to plant)
• Puzzles (keep your brain sharp)
• Learn a language (Duolingo is free, uses gamification techniques to keep you interested, and you can learn multiple language at once, if that tickles your fancy!)
• Creative writing or journaling (start with stream of consciousness if you don't know where to begin)

I hope 2021 brings you health, wealth, hope, love, and happiness. Keep Sampling Life- find your passion.🎉